If you ever woke up with your mouth stained crimson red with the unrelenting feeling that monkeys were bowling in your head, you probably spent an evening at The Spoon. The Cherry Bomb pitchers contained more sugar than a silo full of Fun Dip and were a guaranteed recipe for an evening of bad decisions. And that new shirt you wore the night before, destroyed. Those red stains will never come out. Ever. But you were born to make bad decisions . . . so make another one right now and buy this shirt.

This is a Whaler's Bay hoodie. Back in the 1960s, Lubbock was the premiere destination in the world for whale hunting. Then Greenpeace came in, threw a fit, and the deep whaling waters that sustained Lubbockites for centuries were redeveloped into what is now Greek Circle. The last relic of this era was the original Whaler’s Bay on Slide Road, which was frequented by the likes of Long John Silver and Ahab. This t-shirt is a nod to the great whaling fleets of Lubbock. It’s made from cotton. Support local whaling and buy this shirt.

This is a J Pat’s hoodie. It’s got the cool logo and everything and comes in different sizes and colors. J Pat’s was the best bar that ever was. There can be no argument or differing opinions on this matter. The green carpet that smelled of stale beer, the cigarette smoke, the stench of puke. Power Hour was a coming-of-age ritual for many of us. It taught life lessons about sharing and the power of taking the easy route and avoiding responsibilities. So forget about that FINAL NOTICE electricity bill and purchase this shirt instead.

Brown isn't the only thing in the air in The Hub City. In fact, when it doesn't smell like an American Standard on the 7th floor of Weymouth, it's the aroma of cotton candy and Keystone Light that fills the air, the hearts, and the loins of all Lubbockites from South Plains Mall to Jumbo Joe's. Fun fact: before Sun Tzu wrote 'The Art of War' in the 5th Century BC, he wrote 'Live, Laugh, Lubbock' and signed copies of it at the old Fuddrucker's on 19th. Yes, love is tough. And even though you're on your 5th marriage and things are not looking good, there's hope. This hoodie is your key. Buy it now or die alone.

This is a Sun's Up Guns Up cyber hoodie that comes with a a free receipt. It cost $40. If you don't like it you can get a PIZZA PLANET hoodie at Target for $19.99.

This is a J. Pat's cartoon hoodie. J. Patrick O’Malley’s deserves to be deemed a historical site by the state of Texas. It was the quintessential college pub that barely fit 50 people. You needed a paddle to clear the smoke in order to see who you were talking to on the other side of the table. It had a pay phone and a cig machine. It stank. It was wonderful. Instead, it changed hands and went out of business. Today it’s some other bar with flat screens and wifi. Buy this now or get a goiter.